Thursday, November 08, 2007

8 November '07

it been a long time since i entry a blog so decided to drop in a post for today. Really time flies, its been a month since my last entry here. Been really busy in camp due to shortage of physical training instructor in my camp. 2 of my seniors had O.R.D from 2years National Service & come next year August my turn! Counting down to my last day of NS too...Firstly is to congratulate them for the regain of freedom. NO MORE regimental duty to Guard the gates & signing extra for doing the wrong thing.

Secondly, thank them for throwing all SAI KANG to carry on working (laugh out loud)! Nabei Chao CHEESE PIE ! Anyway all the best for your studies in University, the END! Well, time was really packed everyday the moment I reached camp. No life now, so much work to be completed. Wonder when I can have a good time to sleep & relax my mind. Yah yah, saying so much of work always, MOVE ON Jeremy!

First again, HOW R U MY FRIENDS? contact me leh...ask me out! I am so bored...
Today when out with Dear to Bugis to repay the blessing from Goddness of Mercy (Kwan Yin) for her trip to Shanghai. Met her up at Boon Lay at 12.30pm & make way down. I was so tired because it was a public holiday & finally i could slp late but i woke up from a fright in the morning. I woke up thinking that I was late for my lesson in the morning but I suddenly thought of today Deepavali. What a MISTAKE. Didnt went back to sleep but was like slacking in front of my computer. So in the MRT to bugis I was so quiet with DEAR, I slept! I think she was angry with me for keeping so quiet & sleeping without bothering her. But I am sorry on that, wasnt feeling neither good in mood these few days. Hope you understand. After praying went to eat breakfast + lunch, I got back my jovial mood maybe it was a fake? But i did my best to do shopping with you. Went to sim lim square to buy my rechargeable batteries for my camera flash & later head down to Bugis Junction to shop but seriously it was meaningless. Window Shopping as you say, doesnt suit me.

I am not interested in window shopping, see & see but buy nothing! In the end, legs are numb & tired. HUNGRY + thristy! Haiz..what to do? You want to shop I got to just go as the flow of yours. SO BORING before deciding to head down to Marina Square. Her parents are meeting her for a family dinner. The plan was to accompany her & not join her for dinner, so accompany until ard 7pm before I head back.

At Marina Square did nothing but was again doing window shopping! WHAT A DAY i would say! Looking on the streets that every couple enjoy time with their love but why not me? Boring ? Moody? WHAT the fuck was in me? I just didnt enjoy the day with her today...I FELT pointless in today outing...no direction to go for! She didnt realise I was in a bad day, so was yesterday night. Ate dinner with her at Jurong Point before heading for a movie 'Stardust'...ironically i thought it was some magical action packed movie but to my surprise it was a fairytale movie. Suitable for GIRLS i must say! Quarter through the movie, I was actually dozing off! I was really tired due to the reccee I had done in the afternoon, under the hot sun around Kranji area. We were told to explore a new route for the 28km route march for this batch of BSLC trainees. Their graduation march would be dute in 3weeks so got no time to prepare hence my chief told ask to go explore. Was out for 5hrs & when I got back camp it was like 4.30pm.

Back to office got work to do, so bo bian stay until 6pm. Almost the whole camp was out for half-day as deepavali was tomorrow. I am sorry again that i fell asleep but I couldn't hold my head high up & eyes wide open. After movie send you home but you dont wish to go home early telling me tomorrow is HOLIDAY. I know is HOLIDAY but I am physically & mentally exhausted...yet you say so many things that was so NEGATIVE. Though I just smile & jokingly say it was ok but deep in me I was really disappointed. Anyway it is over!

Today, was even worst, I left you to walk alone most of the time, but I really dont know what else to do...I am getting bored! Ask you want to buy things you dont want. At least you are girls you can shop...U can ask me for opinion in dress or anything but you just dont want to shop. I WANT YOU to dress up, & yah I KNOW I AM DEMANDING IN THIS AREA. Every man wants their love to doll but just your thoughts & principle that you dont wish to doll up. I cant blame you.

Haiz, maybe you just like urself to be so uncondfidently stand out. Whatevere the reason, I tried my best to understand. I am really exhausted always asking you do many things... thats why I wrote my nick in msn that I was tired in life & love. Life is just like a cycle for me. Morning work, evening back home. Next day the same. Meet you...HOPE to see some change so fresh moments, but still the same....HAIZ! You are a young my DEAR. Your age should be so energetic to move & dress....but you dont have this. What is the losing element in it?

Our relationship gets worst each time. I dont know how long more I could hold it...I cant always clap this had myself & make things happen. I am tired in life & please dont make love so BORED! You say CHANGE change, you thought doing this & that for me....but I dont see it...where is it?

Came home, house was empty! You know the life without any1? It was just like coming into a room of darkness. All I know was Poddy waiting for me. In the end, brought him out & play. He is just like me...Being dumped at home. I MISS my family I miss my mum & dad! Where is the noise my mum used to shout for me & the weekends breakfast I used to have on table with Dad. No one understands deep in me, I have this emptiness of warmth I used to have. I am not that independent as you thought. I was a silver spoon boy I agree! but I had tried my best to grow up independently. I hope this lost warmth could be found in our love but seems like the warmth was never there already. I did everything for you even to accompany you for camp in UBIN. I am tired I am tired I am tired & when I breakdown, I care-less in life. I am losing faith I am losing myself. I losing that urge of wanting to see you everyday. I am losing I am losing!

Can you feel it? Each time I held your hands it is becoming weaker? I doubt you know it but you never want to say it out. Or you tried your best to do something to it but it doesnt appeal to me in some ways? I dont know, I am confused... I want to love you as long as I could but I got no more direction to give in more.

If you are reading this, I am sorry! I am losing myself over life & love...
My soul & my spirit is gone for some reason. I need a break time maybe.
Anyway time to sleep, good night folks.

Tell mee what is LOVE? I no longer know what is LOVE ?

Posted by JeReMy at 11/08/2007 10:30:00 PM